Remember ladies, it doesn’t matter where (or when!) you live: whatever you are, it’s wrong. Everything that is natural and unique about your appearance is disgusting, and since being attractive should be your foremost goal, you need to buy this product, and this one, and this one, in order to transform yourself into a buffed, polished android so you can be considered sexy (but not too sexy! You don’t want to seem like you’re trying to attract attention! That’s pathetic, and besides, it might make people think you’re happy with your body and enjoy sex, like some stuck-up slut! Yeah, I know it’s kind of unfair, but that’s what you get for not being effortlessly gorgeous).
Should you fail despite these efforts, kindly shut yourself away from the rest of the world. If you insist you have other things to offer, like skills, ideas, and drive, well, okay, but be prepared for ridicule. You put yourself out there, like you deserve to exist or something, so you better not complain about how you’re treated!
Just remember: you will never be more than your appearance to the most important part of the population: the lowest common denominator.
The Media, who welcome our new Maxim and Cosmo-reading, Fox News-watching, YouTube-commenting overlords.
This letter was brought to you by Theresa’s disgust with how nothing has changed.
While drilling in 1971, geologists accidentally found an underground cavern filled with natural gas. The ground beneath the drilling rig collapsed, leaving a large hole with a diameter of about 50-100 meters.
To avoid poisonous gas discharge, it was decided to burn the gas. Geologists had hoped the fire would go out in a few days but it has been burning ever since. Locals have named the cavern The Door to Hell.
“Members of the Canadian Army’s 12 Field Squadron 1 Combat Engineer Regiment take cover as they set off explosives where a cave is thought to be. Intelligence suggested that the cave — sealed earlier by a JDAM [Joint Direct Attack Munition, or “smart”] bomb dropped by the U.S. military — might have been Osama Bin Laden’s last hiding place. The search for Bin Laden in Tora Bora came up empty, of course, but being there helped me understand just how difficult it would be to track him. The mountains are huge, and the valleys are vast.” - Joe Raedle, Getty Images photographer
Y HALO THAR, HEIGHT DIFFERENCE. I think I may need to start watching Southland. /o\
DO IT PLEASE, THEY STAND NEXT TO EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME SO U CAN REALLY CHOOCH TO THEIR HEIGHTS
My favorite thing about Southland is how it shows that police officers come in both economy and travel sizes.